No, we unfortunately can’t wave a magic wand and wish away sex woes when they rear their ugly heads (though some types of wands work better than others for this). We are, however, believers in the power of a quick and inexpensive sex-life tweak. The orgasm gap is real, sadly, with one five-year study of 24,000 students at 21 colleges indicating that while 80% of the men had orgasmed in their last hookup involving intercourse, only 40% of the women had. (It’s worth noting that queer women enjoy significantly higher rates of orgasm than straight women, though still not as high as men.)
Fortunately, you can fight this disparity both by demanding your climax, Nicki Minaj-style, and arming yourself with a few simple techniques. Tantric sex workshops, sex therapy, setting aside an hour every night for an exploratory masturbation session— all of these are well and good (and if you need professional counseling, then get it!). Sometimes, though, what you need isn’t a makeover but an adjustment. Ahead, we’ve gathered five tried-and-tested tips from our favorite sexperts and sex-havers to give your intimate activities an instant boost. From introducing unexpected flavors to the bedroom (literally) to instating a habit that isn’t directly about sex at all, these tricks can push your sex from good to great.
Spend 20 Screen-Free Minutes
If you’re in a relationship and either live with your partner or spend a lot of time together at one or both of your places, what’s the first thing you do when you walk in the door? If your answer is “flop on the couch,” “scrounge for food,” or “fire up SimCity,” consider another option: spending 20 screen-free minutes with your partner. “Yes, I know there’s always something to attend to when you get home,” San-Francisco-based sex therapist Vanessa Marin tells us. “But so many couples leave quality time and intimacy until the very end of the night, when they’re completely exhausted and already dreading not getting enough sleep for the next day. There’s simply no energy left to have any sort of connection, let alone to have sex.” Your 20 minutes of touching, cuddling, and talking don’t even need to lead to intercourse, says Marin: “The point isn’t that you need to have sex every single time; the point is to create the opportunity for intimacy.” Even if you don’t get it on, you’ll be reminded that you are your partner’s priority, which can also lead to more connected sex over time.