For younger men, erection problems usually go hand-in-hand with anxiety. It goes something like this. He fancies you and wants to turn you on. But he’s also worried he might not get, or keep, his erection (particularly if he really likes you and/or if this has been a problem in past relationships). These worries mean that when you try and have sex he doesn’t get hard at all, or loses his erection when he tries to penetrate you.
Of course, this now confirms his worst fears. And because he is anxious – sure enough – the problem repeats itself. He can’t hide this from you, or dismiss it as a one-off. And the shame, embarrassment and fear of losing you (and concern others may learn of his difficulties) can make sex into a source of stress rather than something pleasurable.
Unsurprisingly many men in this situation, regardless of their sexuality, avoid talking about it, hope it gets better, or avoid affection and sex.