Sex can be confusing. This holds true regardless of your gender, and regardless of your sexuality. That said, women tend to feel more shame about their bodies. Because of our “machinery,” women are also more frequently uncertain about how their parts work and how to have orgasms during lovemaking.
But both women and men can enjoy blissful erotic encounters just by empowering themselves with self-knowledge. Sexuality aside, each partner should focus on good sexual communication, and what feels good to them. You don’t need candlelit dinners and expensive negligee to have a great sex life. There are plenty of other, more manageable ways to up the romance-factor in your relationship. In fact, you may be surprised at the different things that will leave you scrambling for the bedroom.
Here are some of tried and tested suggestions to increase women’s pleasure during sex, and to send temperatures soaring in the bedroom.
If you want to improve your sex life, experts recommend––guess what?—having sex. It’s not rocket science, but many of us don’t realize that sex can quite literally be addictive. If you start having sex more often—even when you’re not in the mood—you can actually boost your libido. Intercourse triggers testosterone production in your brain which makes you want to have even more sex. According to sex experts, there’s something to be said for having sex when you’re not in the mood.
Take your time.
Create an environment where she knows she has time to focus and relax. Remove all distractions and responsibilities, including work, children, TV and any daily errands. Check in advance to see how you can support her to make sure these things are done so she can focus for an hour or two (or a whole weekend) just on herself.
By supporting her in knowing she has time to just switch off, you are holding space for her to begin enjoying sex. Being rushed, distracted or disturbed can be off-putting for her. Having all these bases covered shows her you’re sensitive to her and helps you create space she can retreat deeply into.
Pay attention to her and her needs.
Instead, try touching her whole body with long firm strokes to get her blood moving. A stiff and nonresponsive lover is hard to get any kind of ignition happening with. By using long firm strokes over her whole body and inviting her to breathe and relax, you are letting her know she has all the time in the world to enjoy your offerings.
Keep your focus on the vulva (inner and outer lips) and the clitoris (in other words, not the vagina — AKA inside). This is helpful because if you are both interested in helping her orgasm, staying focused on stimulating the outer areas is a great way to start. For a lot of women, a clitoral orgasm doesn’t require any kind of vaginal penetration, unless she wants and likes it. Don’t assume that she must have vaginal stimulation to orgasm — especially if you’re trying to make the session all about her needs.
Map her body.
Explore different erogenous zones on her body including, neck, shoulders, scalp, ears, belly, inner thighs, inner arms, back, buttocks and feet. Try experimenting with speed or pressure. Light feathery touch can feel nice sometimes but annoying at others. Invite her feedback to help navigate her body. Then follow her cues.
Along with helping you cultivate a greater awareness of your body, practicing yoga also encourages you to live in the moment and ignore nagging thoughts. How does this help you in the romance department? When you’re able to focus on your own enjoyment without worrying about what’s going on outside the bedroom, you’ll be able to engage in much more satisfying sex. Plus, many yoga poses increase blood flow to the pelvis and strengthen your pelvic muscle, which means more mind-blowing orgasms for you. And you’re not the only one who should be rolling out the yoga mat: men can also reap the benefits of a healthy practice. A study found that yoga can help men with premature ejaculation last longer during intercourse.
Meditation can enhance women’s arousal by helping them focus on their emotions and physical sensation. Both are valuable for a more pleasurable sex life. Because women tend to be more easily distracted than men during sex by passing thoughts––about laundry, work, whether or not they left the oven on––mindfulness can be especially important for their sexual satisfaction.